I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
