Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
