very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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