i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
