I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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