I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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