I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
