I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
