they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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