that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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