Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
