actually, I'm a sock model
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
