whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
