You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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