before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
