If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
