I think I died a long time ago.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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