If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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