So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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