I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Randomize
