the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
