She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
