I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
