does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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