I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
