I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize