How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
