On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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