Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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