foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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