smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
