Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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