So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
