highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
