Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
