He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
