He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
