I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
