I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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