I think I died a long time ago.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
