I wish I could punch you in the face.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
