Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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