sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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