i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
