i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
