would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
