is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
