You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
