I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
