When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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