jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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