I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
