why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i need some magic done to my vagina
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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