At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
