my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
