yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
