I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
