4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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