singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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