I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
