the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
