I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
