pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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