Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
