there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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