i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
