...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
