My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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