I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
