Nicole vs. Life
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
