I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize