u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
