life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
