The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
