The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
