bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
