i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
